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 Real Quotes from Students of English
Copyright © 2001 EFL4U.com
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Priceless Quotes - 2001
Innocent Quotes
Priceless Quote:
"I ordered the lobster but I was told that it had gone out."
Intended Meaning:
"I ordered the lobster but I was told that it had run out."
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Priceless Quote:
"I enjoy shopping but sometimes I just go eye shopping."
Intended Meaning:
"I enjoy shopping but sometimes I just go window shopping."
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Priceless Quote:
"The test was too difficult. I lost my mind so I couldn't answer some of the questions."
Intended Meaning:
"The test was too difficult. I forgot the answers to some of the questions."
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Priceless Quote:
"It's not polite to throw up things to the second floor. You should be carried instead."
Intended Meaning:
"It's not polite to throw things up to the second floor. You should carry them up the stairs."
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Priceless Quote:
"I'm wearing a liquid brown T-shirt.."
Intended Meaning:
"I'm wearing a solid brown T-shirt."
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Priceless Quote:
"No one saw him after he lost his weight."
Intended Meaning:
"No one recognized him after he lost weight."
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Priceless Quote:
"In my house there is a living room, a dining room and a chicken."
Intended Meaning:
"In my house there is a living room, a dining room and a kitchen."
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Priceless Quote:
"He often walks to school in his backpack."
Intended Meaning:
"He often walks to school wearing his backpack."
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Priceless Quote:
"Their son was too intelligent to go to a normal school, so they had to buy him a teacher."
Intended Meaning:
"Their son was too intelligent to go to a normal school, so they had to hire a tutor for him."
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Priceless Quote:
"I really love that video. Please rent me."
Intended Meaning:
"I really love that video. Please lend it to me."
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Priceless Quote:
"She was so exciting that chicken skin grew all over her body."
Intended Meaning:
"She was so excited that her skin became covered with goose bumps."
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Priceless Quote:
"More and more women are putting on jeans because they are easier these days."
Intended Meaning:
"These days, more and more women are wearing jeans because they are more convenient."
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Priceless Quote:
"Sign your name on the front and sign again on my backside."
Intended Meaning:
"Sign your name on the front and sign again on the back."
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Priceless Quote:
"He swam under the ocean as long as he could stand. Then he exploded."
Intended Meaning: (Perhaps??)
"He swam under the water for as long as he could. Then he surfaced and gasped for air."
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Priceless Quote:
"For the party, let's put the alcoholics on a table in the corner."
Intended Meaning:
"For the party, let's put the alcoholic drinks on a table in the corner."
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Priceless Quote:
"The dentist bored the woman until she cried. "
Intended Meaning:
"The dentist drilled the woman's tooth until she cried."
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Priceless Quote:
"His wife, the old bag, and an umbrella were all that he had left after the earthquake. "
Intended Meaning:
"His wife, an old suitcase and an umbrella were all that he had left after the earthquake."
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Priceless Quote:
"She gets her dress up whenever she eats a restaurant. "
Intended Meaning:
"She gets dressed up whenever she eats at a restaurant."
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Priceless Quote:
"The pillow was so hot that he took his head off."
Intended Meaning:
"The pillow was so hot that he took his head off of it."
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Priceless Quote:
"The couple walked in the park with their arms unattached."
Intended Meaning:
"The couple walked in the park without holding hands."
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Priceless Quote:
"A foreigner visiting Tokyo for the first time surprised more trees than expected."
Intended Meaning:
"Foreigners visiting Tokyo for the first time were surprised to see more trees than they (had) expected."
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Priceless Quote:
"Her hair hung down to her soldiers."
Intended Meaning:
"Her hair hung down to her shoulders."
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Not So Innocent Quotes
Priceless Quote:
"I enjoy hand jobs."
Intended Meaning:
"I like work that involves using my hands."
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Priceless Quote:
"The aliens left their ship and were coming on to my grandmother."
Intended Meaning:
"The aliens left their ship and came over to my grandmother."
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Priceless Quote:
"Sorry, I'm late. I was in the secretary."
Intended Meaning:
"Sorry, I'm late. I was in the secretary's office."
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Priceless Quote:
"She has pictures of everyone on her chest."
Intended Meaning:
"She has pictures of everyone on her bureau (chest of drawers)."
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Priceless Quote:
"Makng his member obey became harder and harder."
Intended Meaning:
"Makng the members obey (him) became more and more difficult."
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Priceless Quote:
"I ride my friend to and from school almost every day."
Intended Meaning:
"I ride with my friend to and from school almost every day."
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Priceless Quote:
"The specimen test made me too hard."
Intended Meaning:
"The sample test was too difficult for me."
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Priceless Quote:
"At first, only a few people were permitted to touch his new organ."
Intended Meaning:
"At first, only a few people were permitted to play his new organ."
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Priceless Quote:
"I was scary; I had never come on a plane before."
Intended Meaning:
"I was scared; I had never been on a plane before."
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Priceless Quote:
"I douched myself this morning."
Intended Meaning:
"I took a shower this morning."
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Priceless Quote:
Heard in a Japanese karaoke shop
"Rub me tender, rub me true..."
Intended Meaning:
"Love me tender, love me true."
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Priceless Quote:
"It's a little funny restaurant. We could throw our penis skins on the floor."
Intended Meaning:
"It's a pretty fun restaurant. We could throw our peanut shells on the floor."
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Priceless Quote:
Q: "How was your homestay?"
"Canadian boys are really hung."
Intended Meaning:
"Canadian boys are really hunks."
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Priceless Quote:
"When I woke, the stewardess was shaking my worm."
Intended Meaning:
"When I woke, the stewardess was shaking my arm."
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Priceless Quote:
"You're about 10 centimeters longer than my boyfriend."
Intended Meaning:
"You're about 10 centimeters taller than my boyfriend."
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Priceless Quote:
"He was scalded by his mother after cracking his nuts on the dining room table with a hammer."
Intended Meaning:
"He was scolded by his mother after cracking the nuts on the dining room table with a hammer."
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Priceless Quote:
"She's good at tennis. She plays under her coach every day."
Intended Meaning:
"She's good at tennis because she practices with her coach every day."
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Priceless Quote:
Q: How was your weekend?
A: "I enjoyed active intercourse with my neighbor."
Intended Meaning:
A: "I had a nice conversation with my neighbor."
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Priceless Quote:
"The man pulled out his sore dick."
Intended Meaning:
"The man pulled out his sword stick."
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Priceless Quote:
"He's strange because there are only love letters in his under drawers. "
Intended Meaning:
"It's strange. His bottom drawer is full of love letters and nothing else."
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Priceless Quote:
"One man grabbed her behind while the other tried to snatch the bag."
Intended Meaning:
"One man grabbed her from behind while the other tried to snatch her purse."
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Priceless Quote:
"He went to the airport to see his wife get off."
Intended Meaning:
"He saw his wife off at the airport."
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Priceless Quote:
"The lady next door is an old screw. When my pipe broke, she refused it."
Intended Meaning:
"My next door neighbor is very stingy. When my plumbing stopped, she refused to give me any water."
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Priceless Quote:
"My husband's a great cock, but he uses everything in the kitchen."
Intended Meaning:
"My husband's a great cook, but he uses everything in the kitchen."
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Priceless Quote:
"You can tell one man who travels between others by looking in his trunks."
Intended Meaning:
"You can tell a man who travels from other men by looking in his suitcase."
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Priceless Quote:
"My brothers were all upstairs raping the Christmas presents."
Intended Meaning:
"My brothers were all upstairs wrapping the Christmas presents."
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Priceless Quote:
"The boys stood on their stools to get their cookies off."
Intended Meaning:
"The boys stood on a stool to get the cookies off the shelf."
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