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 Real Quotes from Students of English
Copyright © 2002 EFL4U.com
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Innocent Quotes
Priceless Quote:
"I was hung over the weekend."
Intended Meaning:
I was hungover during the weekend.
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Priceless Quote:
Student: "How do you write 'spoon' ?"
Teacher: "With a pen."
Intended Meaning:
Student: "How do you spell 'spoon' ?"
Teacher: "It's spelled S-P-O-O-N."
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Priceless Quote):
"...and then you should enlighten the fire."
Intended Meaning:
"...and then you should light the stove"
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Priceless Quote (after spilling juice on her new dress):
"Oh no, My mom's going to die me!"
Intended Meaning:
"Oh no, My mom's going to kill me!"
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Priceless Quote (Speaking to a parking lot attendant):
"Sir, can I bark here?"
"Yes, you can bark here as long as you don't bite."
Intended Meaning:
"Can I park (my car) here?"
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Priceless Quote (On sign at dry cleaning establishment:):
"WE DO SWEDES."
Intended Meaning:
"WE DO (CLEAN) SUEDES."
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Priceless Quote (Role playing a job interview):
Teacher: "Do you have any qualifications?"
Student: "Yes, in Australia."
Teacher: "Excuse me?"
Student: "Yes, I did in Australia."
Teacher: "Did what in Australia?"
Student: "I had a koala vacation in Australia."
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Priceless Quote (when asked, "What do you think?"):
"I have no mind."
Intended Meaning:
"I have no opinion."
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Priceless Quote:
"My mother has gone to Warsaw for the weekend so I'm cooking my brother."
Intended Meaning:
"My mother has gone to Warsaw for the weekend so I'm cooking for my brother."
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Priceless Quote:
"When I was four I could eat myself."
Intended Meaning:
"When I was four I could eat by myself (without assistance)."
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Priceless Quote:
"Would you please look like my dog for the weekend?"
Intended Meaning:
"Would you please look after my dog for the weekend?"
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Priceless Quote:
"He likes to drink fish and play video games."
Intended Meaning:
"He likes to drink, fish and play video games."
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Priceless Quote:
"My lower legs are shorter than my upper legs."
Intended Meaning:
"The lower parts of my legs are shorter than the upper parts (of my legs)." -OR-
"The distance from my feet to my knees is shorter than from my knees to my hips."
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Priceless Quote:
"I wash my mouse every morning with mouse wash."
Intended Meaning:
"I use mouthwash every morning."
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Priceless Quote (from a sign in a florist):
"No Smorking. Smorkers must Exit or be Extinguished. Please Smork Considerable."
Intended Meaning:
"No Smoking. Smokers must Leave or Cigarettes must be Extinguished. Please be a Considerate Smoker."
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Priceless Quote (during a dictation exercise):
"I'm a fridge. I can't come to the meeting!
My girl fridge is waiting for me!."
Intended Meaning:
"I'm afraid I can't come to the meeting.
My girlfriend is waiting for me!"
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Priceless Quote:
"Last week-end I went to hunting deers but I didn't kill anyone."
Intended Meaning:
"Last week-end I went deer hunting but I didn't get one."
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Priceless Quote:
"The diarrhoea rate for English is very high."
Intended Meaning:
"The failure rate for English is very high."
(In German "Durchfall" can translate as both words - depending on the situation!)
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Priceless Quote:
"Picking on spaghetti with a chopstick is difficult."
Intended Meaning:
"Picking up spaghetti with chopsticks is difficult."
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Priceless Quote:
"Both parakeets and macaws like to live in Paris."
Intended Meaning:
"Both parakeets and macaws like to live in pairs."
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Priceless Quote:
"The Civil War was not a military one because it was a civil one."
Intended Meaning:
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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Priceless Quote:
"Penicillin kills Germans."
Intended Meaning:
"Penicillin kills germs."
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Question: "Please tell me what a banana is."
Answer:
"It's the opposite of a potato."
Intended Meaning:
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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Priceless Quote:
"With the co-operation of my wife, I have had four children."
Intended Meaning:
"My wife and I have four children."
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Priceless Quote:
"She usually beats him with the test."
Intended Meaning:
"She usually beats him on the test." OR
"She usually scores better than him on the test."
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Priceless Quote:
"If I had $100,000,000, I would give it to green peas."
Intended Meaning:
"If I had $100,000,000, I would give it to Green Peace."
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Priceless Quote:
"Teacher, I have a hippo in my throat."
Intended Meaning:
"Teacher, I have the hiccups."
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Priceless Quote:
From a single menu in Japan:
"Grass Wine." "Sandwitch." "Tastie Deserts." "Cup hut Coffee." "Sign Water to Order."
Intended Meaning:
"Glass of Wine." "Sandwiches." "Tasty Desserts." "Cop of Hot Coffee." "Signal the Waiter to Order."
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Not So Innocent Quotes
Priceless Quote:
"Is that a hand job?"
Intended Meaning:
"Is that manual labor?"
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Priceless Quote:
"I am wanking now. I wank everyday."
Intended Meaning:
"I am working now. I work everyday."
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Priceless Quote:
"We lost $50.00 at the slut machine."
Intended Meaning:
"We lost $50.00 at the slot machine."
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Priceless Quote:
"I like Australia because it has a lot of whores."
Intended Meaning:
"I like Australia because it has a lot of horses."
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Priceless Quote:
"She walks the streets when she can't find someone to ride."
Intended Meaning:
"She walks when she can't find someone to give her a ride."
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Priceless Quote:
"I'm afraid my member is retired."
Intended Meaning:
"I'm afraid my membership has expired."
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Priceless Quote - A sign at a beach:
"Pubic places are for everyone."
Intended Meaning:
"Public places are for everyone."
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Priceless Quote:
"She asked for a divorce after swallowing him for seven years."
Intended Meaning:
"She asked for a divorce after swallowing (tolerating, putting up with) his ways for seven years."
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Priceless Quote:
"I like to eat women out in restaurants."
Intended Meaning:
"I like to take women out to restaurants."
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Priceless Quote:
"With their bottoms up, the speaker toasted everyone."
Intended Meaning:
"Bottoms up!" the speaker said while proposing the toast.
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Priceless Quote - Question: What happened to your hand?
"I was screwing the table leg on my back when the driver attacked me!"
Intended Meaning:
"I was on my back, screwing the table leg back on, when the screwdriver slipped and cut into my hand."
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Priceless Quote (phone conversation):
"If I can work it out, I'll send you my specimen on turd day."
Intended Meaning:
"If I can finish it on time, I'll send you my document on Thursday."
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Priceless Quote:
"Animals tried to steal the bald squire's nuts."
Intended Meaning:
"Animals tried to steal the bold squirrel's nuts." ...uhm...
"The bald squirrel protected his nuts from the animals." ...uhm...
"Animals tried to steal the nuts from the brave squirrel."
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Priceless Quote:
"My father eats and swallows my mother faster in a restaurant."
Intended Meaning:
"My father eats and swallows faster than my mother in a restaurant."
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Priceless Quote:
"I was late because I was waiting on the floor for Charlotte to come."
Intended Meaning:
"I was late because I was waiting downstairs for Charlotte."
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Priceless Quote:
"I slept doggie style all night."
Intended Meaning:
"I slept like a log all night."
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Priceless Quote:
"My pet peeve is when taxi drivers come too quickly in my rear while I'm driving.
Then they pass out in front of me."
Intended Meaning:
"My pet peeve while I'm driving is when taxi drivers tailgate then zoom past me."
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Priceless Quote:
"Put your tongue between your big tits and blow the air as you say your "rr" sound.
It will make the "r" roll like it should."
Intended Meaning:
"Put you tongue between your big teeth and blow the air to make the rolling "r" sound in Spanish."
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Priceless Quote:
"I was hard at work today. But now I'm limp."
Intended Meaning:
"I worked hard today and now I'm too tired to move."
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Priceless Quote:
"He sold his old condom and bought a new one."
Intended Meaning:
"He sold his old condominium (condo) and bought a new one."
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Priceless Quote:
"Yes, I have very well been eaten lately."
Intended Meaning:
"Yes, I have been eating well lately."
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Priceless Quote:
"A bird in my bush is handy."
Intended Meaning:
"A bird in hand is worth two in the bush."
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